::sigh::

I can feel the tears building up behind my eyes, my muscles aching, and head jumbling. There is so much going on. More than I even know how to organize to figure it out. Once I write or blog I usually feel better. Feels better to get those thoughts out that build up, build up, and build up.

It's a new year. What do I have in store for the new year? I normally never create a resolution because then I'm just disappointed in myself when I don't follow through it....this year...I feel a resolution is necessary. Or at least today I feel it's necessary.

I am extremely organized, controlling, and very much of a planner. When something is out of place, I have no control over it, or plans change...I lose it!

In order to stay on top of my day better I have chosen to plan my day time by time. I know I'll get annoyed with it, but I feel as long as I stick to it I won't feel so stressed. As long as I'm not suaded by others to partake in something NOT on my list...

That's where I lose it when I plan, plan, and plan...then things don't go my way! Why can't everybody just do what I want them to do?! So when doing my planning & organizing I am going to also make an "I'm Through!" list...this is something I have in my classroom. When students finish with their work they go to the list that says: "Teacher, Teacher I'm Through! What can I do?!" There they find a whole slue of things to keep them busy! So on my list I will have things that I can do in case my plans don't follow through.

Another thing I don't always have control of. I PLANNED on getting work done at school after visiting the nursing home, but I had no control over the fact that they weren't organized & the activity manager felt the need to "sell" herself to us for 20 minutes. 20 minutes that could have been used visiting residents. 20 minutes that could have been used to leave earlier & get that work done in my classroom I wanted to do.

After everything piling and piling up and stressing and stressing me out all I can think to do is...sleep...or eat :) But then that's not getting ANYTHING accomplished!

I made a small list of daily, weekly, monthly goals that I put in my desk at work. Hopefully this will help. But I'm not gonna lie, it's VERY frustrating when the world isn't as organized as I am!!

Perhaps blogging every day will help release some of the frustration I feel. Perhaps that will in turn bring me more readers. Perhaps then when I blog I won't feel the need to just be negative because I think nobody's really reading anyway. :) Perhaps I should: take a deep breath, put my big girl panties on and get over it. As one of my favorite friends/best listener & advice giver likes to say. Never to me though...she knows I'm always right!